Show Me The Blessings....

I made a pact with myself that 'd be painfully honest when I started this blog, no PC Filtering, so here goes.

People struggle with catastrophes. I totally get that. When something horrible happens, so many just don't know what to say but want to say something. They mean to comfort, to show that they care about you, your situation.

  Some people donate to charities to offset a feeling of despair when faced with a catastrophe; it gives them the uplifting sense of helping.  Some people come to your door with casseroles or bouquets. Some folks send pretty cards with hearts and flowers to tug a smile out of you and let you know you're cared for.

Those all work; those are all powerful little blessings to the recipients of them. Maybe they're BIG blessings, depending on how your day is going.

   God please richly bless every single one of those folks who endeavor to lighten the load for even      
                                                       just a moment or two.

                                     My problem??? ( You knew one was coming)


    People who say "If there's ANYTHING I CAN DO, JUST LET ME KNOW...". And then, when you do finally humble yourself and get to the "I'm asking" point, they let you down flat as a fritter.

I've realized people say that, "If you need anything just ask" to make themselves feel better. They say it to forward the impression that they're caring, compassionate humans. While I don't believe there's any malice in that, it is just as unkind to offer help and not be available to deliver it as it is to turn your back on someone who's suffering.

I'm taking time from my hectic day to offer this bit of insight. You may think I sound bitter or angry; it's really not about that at all.

                       Cancer makes you excruciatingly aware of Time. Of Priorities.

   Cancer also becomes a lens with sharpest clarity through which you see the people who truly love you, the folks that are there, who offer themselves up with heartfelt intentions to help you. Just as crisply you see those who don't really have time to care, the Lip Service Folks. We all know 'em.

I'm realizing I have neither the time to mollycoddle someone's idea of themselves nor the inclination to invest in their priorities, i.e., making themselves feel better. I have a great many tasks to accomplish in a short time so I can focus all my energies post-op on healing, and then focus on getting through radiation therapy five days a week for many weeks and battling the legion of it's grim side effects.  It's daunting.

                                                  Time is so very precious;
   the single most precious abstract utility we have in our lives and I have zero Time to waste.
                                             

Maybe there's someone in your life who's facing a trial like mine; maybe they've lost someone they love; maybe they're grieving or deeply troubled or in physical/spiritual pain. Maybe they've lost hope.

Go sit with them. Buy them a book you think they'd like; send them colorful bouquets with balloons. Hand-paint a watercolor greeting card, or just buy a card and write your heart in it; say the things you'd want said to you in that same situation. Make their favorite dish and take it over;that way you get two visits in when you go back to pick up your dish. Take 'em a quart of Ben & Jerry's. Buy them a bottle of their favorite wine & be prepared to talk and sip, if you get down like that. Make popcorn and watch the movie "Snatch" with them, guaranteed belly laughs. Whatever---just actually DO something besides saying "I'm sorry".

       

       
            Your "I'm sorry" has no possible healing response from the person you're saying it to.

   The "Sorries" work on Facebook or Twitter where geography factors, but if you're part of that person's physical life, make Time to do something of substance to help.

  More than likely your friend or loved one is feeling very alone & overwhelmed with their experience, regardless of how cheerful they may outwardly seem to you, regardless of how well you may think they're coping. I can promise you, they're absolutely not coping on one or many levels. It's just how we humans are built. Most of the time I feel too guilty to tell anyone how I'm really feeling; it's awkward to think you're making someone you care for unhappy with your own unhappy by telling them about it. See what I mean? It's a rare friend you can tell the absolute truth to and not feel guilty as hell.

                   

  You don't have to say anything profound; you needn't recite poetry or write a sonnet or a song, unless that's just how you roll. Just BE fully present with them and I ain't talkin' about a damned text message or email. If geography separates you, get creative, think outside the Catastrophe Box. Trust me, they'll be grateful to you the rest of their days; they'll always remember it was YOU who really "saw" them.

There are support groups to help folks like me cope. You can offer to take your loved one to a support group & share the expereince with them. THAT is Bestie Gold right there.  Or, you could offer to babysit or dogsit so they can attend with a clear head. You could also babysit or dogsit so they can just have an afternoon off from the weight they're shouldering.

   Get creative. Do the things you'd like done for you if you were dealing with a heavy-duty life catastrophe.


                          It may just make all the difference in someone's life
                                    who's desperate for a bright moment of        
                              difference and that'd be a blessing to both of you, I promise.